The process of discovery, healing & re-integration has seen me hugging a toilet
Updated: 7 days ago
In my experience, I oscillate between both positions;
Hugging a toilet and holding someone's hair who is hugging a toilet.
Actually it was just 3ish weeks ago when I was having one of those gorgeous exploratory conversations with a dear friend, when she challenged me to look at what was playing out in me from a few different perspectives. She poked at a few blindspots of mine until they literally rolled out on to the table in front of us, all naked and awkward.
My response to this ahah moment was an interesting one that I have only ever had once before circa 2015 in an office in Harley Street, London, UK.
My response was a spontaneous, mild panic attack followed by a hugging of the toilet.
The visceral reaction in me took me by total surprise.
I had zero idea that this blindspot was even there (duhh - hence it's called a blindspot - I know!) - I guess I would have expected to have had glimpses of it based on the visceral spontaneous reaction I had upon discovering it.
With hindsight - the evidence of its presence was everywhere.
I was playing small, staying hidden, rationalising how being the best kept secret was a good strategy. I could stay on this parallel track I was operating on, because it was almost my authentic self at play - and that was more than most, so job done.
When our limiting belief is dug out from its hiding place and brought into the light - it changes expression from passive aggressively showing up in our reality, to becoming the leverage we use to propel forward.
After regaining my composure after my wobble, here's what I did next:
Called my Facilitator and Teacher, to book a 2-hour session that week, to facilitate me and my new found limiting belief asap. I knew he would help me explore this blindspot to the degree that I could heal it, integrate it and become a more whole version of me inside 2hours. Job done. I deeply value the process of transformation and all the hairy gremlins that come with it - as a result I have no resistance to doing the work - I grab my shovel and jump in feet first.
Within the 48hrs that followed that 2-hr session, my shannoneastman website went up, a project titled "Being Yourself" went up, and I re-aligned the teach a brand to fish business to more authentically reflect the market I am here to serve and the areas I want to play in. Less parallel path, more all-the-way-in, path.
Inspiration emerged from within to; sweat every day, eat clean, meditate and self care.
Now, I had been doing, and already completed a fair amount of those things already - they were not new - yet what was new was the heightened level of flow I found myself in. Creativity and inspiration poured out of me - as I set off once again, to leave this newly acquired comfort zone for the next climb.
So I hold hair back for those hugging the toilet - and I myself hug the toilet.
Moral of the story?
It's all fun and games when an unconscious root, becomes conscious. And those unconscious roots are like infinite layers of the proverbial onion. Hah.
Shannon Eastman, Growth Consultant
The Shannon Eastman Show
Shannon Eastman is a growth consultant, human behaviour expert, communications adviser, management consultant, mentor and business coach. Shannon is the Host of The Shannon Eastman Show, Founder of Funds Ireland MiniCon and an Advisor to starts ups in the Middle East.